drapetomania (n.)

Sometimes

I daydream

about running away.

Somewhere isolated

and quiet

where there aren’t people around.

I’ve dreamt about it

for years

since I was little.

Maybe as young as ten.

I think about nature

and being alone

with God.

I used to think

maybe it would be better

that way.

Maybe loneliness

in isolation

is less painful

than loneliness

in a crowded place.

I dream

of the places

I would go.

Perhaps

the mountains

or the beach,

the desert,

or even the woods.

Somewhere

in the middle of

nowhere.

I tried sharing this

with a friend

once

the urge

to run away.

She didn’t seem to understand.

Since being married to Moises

the feeling comes less often

but it still happens.

I feel guilty for it,

so I’ve never told him.

I worry it will hurt him.

I used to think

maybe

we could run

away together,

but after being stuck at home

in isolation

for so long

I’m not so sure.

Maybe

if we had nature

to be in

and could walk around

freely

it would work.

Here

we are stuck

inside

in such a small

space.

Tensions

can run high

and patience

can run low.

Perhaps

the open skies

and fresh air

would help.

Actually,

I know it would.

So we’ll go together.

Sometimes

I daydream

about running away,

but

I never do.