Ever since my birthday about a month and a half ago I’ve felt…I don’t want to say lost because “lost” is much too dramatic of a word for how I’m feeling. I’ve felt like I’m wandering. I haven’t had a consistent job since graduating college and a huge reason for that is, I’ve been waiting to move overseas.
Sometimes I wonder what I’m supposed to be doing. What direction am I heading? I know my goal for the past few years has been to move to Africa, but I never realized how long this period of waiting would be. I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised, huh? I know the Bible is filled with people living in long seasons of waiting. Even Jesus waited 30 years before He started His ministry.
There’s also been a sense of What am I doing with my life? What have I accomplished? I haven’t started a career because I didn’t want to burn any bridges when I moved overseas. This has left me feeling pretty unaccomplished and as if I’ve failed in some way. I’ve had to remind myself how many young lives I have been a part of. From volunteering in the children and student ministry for years to babysitting to working at a daycare I’ve spent time with a ton of kids and have had a part in shaping their young minds. I thoroughly enjoyed every moment of it, and I know I made an impact in their lives.
But what am I supposed to be doing in this new season of waiting?
I’ve been spending much of my time working on myself and my thought life (more on that in another post). I’ve spending time with the Lord and getting to know Him even more than I already did. And I’ve been trying to learn how to be the best wife I can be to my husband. Nearly half of our marriage has been spent stuck in our tiny one-bedroom apartment because of the pandemic. Talk about learning how to live with one another very, very quickly😂
I’m grateful for Moises. He’s a hard worker and a big dreamer. He was the person constantly encouraging me to start this blog in the first place. For that I will always be thankful!
So, what’s next in this new season of waiting? I’m not totally sure. I know I want to grow Beyond This Smile and see how the Lord can use it. For the rest I’m simply trusting in Jesus.
“So why would I fear the future? For Your goodness and love pursue me all the days of my life.”