It’s been an overwhelming couple of months. I’ve been learning a lot and I know writing helps me process everything, but I’ve been scared. I’ve been scared to process. Scared to reach answers. So, I took a break from writing and from many other things to take the time to reflect and focus on the things before me.
Moises had a minor medical procedure done at the end of last month. The first couple of weeks of healing were pretty difficult for him, which left a lot on my plate including playing nurse. Praise God he is doing much better and healing nicely. Shortly after Moises’ procedure we received bad news. My dad was officially diagnosed with something life changing. Parkinson’s disease.
My family was devastated. I didn’t know what to do or how to cope. How could this happen? After all we’ve been through the last two and a half years how could God allow this to happen? My dad has always been healthy according to his doctors and then seemingly out of no where two and a half years ago they find a tumor, then nodules, a heart condition and now Parkinson’s. God, what is going on?
There were a couple weeks of tears and meltdowns and angry conversations with the Lord. Then there was lots of prayerful meditation asking Him how I could change my perspective. I know we live in a world where bad things happen even to people who love Jesus with all their heart. But I also know that the Lord works all things for the good of those who love Him. God may never heal my dad of all the things he’s been diagnosed with, but He will not let it go to waste. He will use everything for His glory, and it will be beautiful. That doesn’t mean it will always be easy. For my dad or my family. It’s hard to watch my dad be so exhausted all the time. I still have days where I completely break down and I’m sure I always will. That’s part of being human, but I won’t allow myself to stay in that place forever.
Two weeks ago, my eyes were completely closed to the possibilities before me and how the Lord could work this for good. My flesh was running rampant and being selfish as I absolutely refused to move overseas now that my dad is facing something new. I couldn’t wrap my mind around leaving in my family’s time of need. Yet every time I talk about Africa a fire ignites within me and I can’t wait to be there. This tug-a-war of my flesh and spirit was like one I’ve never faced before.
But Moises, my wonderful husband, reminded me this move has been three years in the making. It’s not like my dad was diagnosed and we came in saying, “By the way we’re moving to Africa for a year.” We’ve been planning and working toward this. And the sooner we leave the sooner we’ll come home and be with my family again. This helped me open my eyes and broaden my view of what this means for the future. I’ve stepped back and tried to find the good that can come out of this.
My dad’s family has been disjointed for years now. My hope and prayer is the Lord would use this to bring reconciliation. I believe with all my heart He will. I also believe the Lord will use this to speak to the people Moises and I will meet while we’re overseas. I hope our obedience to the Lord will show our neighbors and new friends how much we love Jesus and how far we are willing to go for Him. Even if it means moving halfway across the world and leaving my family…despite the fact it is going to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.
“So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”
2 Corinthians 4:18